it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
