Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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