Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
