Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
