:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
