And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
