But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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