we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
