Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
