Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
