WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
