What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
