no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
