What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Mom said you looked used
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
