My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
