Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
be right there i have to get my cape
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
