weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
