Who did Billy Mays play for?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
