I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
