I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
