ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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