im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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