Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
