The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
