can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
