I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Mom said you looked used
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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