i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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