Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
