Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
honey bunches of taint.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
