So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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