alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the liver wants what the liver wants
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
