She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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