it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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