i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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