What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
