I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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