i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
