i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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