Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
