I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
