so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
