he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
