I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
