I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
