everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
