I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
