So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
