We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
