he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
