there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there was a trapeze. enough said
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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