Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
