You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
