after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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